Preparing for Parenthood in Changed Times
A lot has changed in recent times due to COVID-19 that could potentially shape how we live from this point on. People in general are trying to figure out how to adjust to the new norm that they've been thrust into. Working from home with increased workloads in hopes of not being furloughed, homeschooling their children, the never ending cooking, cleaning and laundry associated with everyone being home everyday, all day. Not to mention the fear and anxiety about their own health and the health of their family. These stressers add up quickly and parents are commenting on the toll its already taken on them with no end in sight. So, how do new parents prepare in these changing times?
New parents are more valunerable now than ever before. In recent past, they could depend on support from family and friends. Now you're forced to isolate yourself from anyone outside of your household, you lose that support system. We thrive on connections and social support. There are options to FaceTime or Skype your mom or best friend that has children to ask questions about what is happening to your body, why you're feeling the way you do or what is your baby telling you when it won't stop crying. But video calling is useless when you need someone to simply hold your baby so you can shower, take a nap or eat a meal. I am seeing this happen more in recent times, so here are some suggestions on how to adjust in these changing times.
COMMUNICATION
I encourage couples to set aside at least 10 minutes a day to sit and talk about the "state of their union". It should be time that you're using to bond as a couple and if at all possible, don't talk about the kids. This is just about the two of you. It's a great opportunity for the both of you to schedule a definite time where you can do something that is just for you. That means dad gets some off time as well. One way to ensure this happens is to share responsibilities so that not one parent gets overwhelmed. Make a list of things each one will do, and times of the day when one person can get a break, including shifts overnight.
CARE FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Mom, if you desperately need time for yourself, let your partner know. Motherhood can be a struggle of staying connected with yourself separate from your role as a mother. And you may notice a shift in your mood. If this happens, it's important to communicate this to your health care provider since there is a possibility it could be a sign of postpartum depression. Your insurance company may have a provision for virtual therapy. There are a range of online resources to support you such as Postpartum Support International and apps such as Peanut, MindMum and Lifeline4Moms. Prioritize self-care by having a regular routine based on NEST-S principles of nutrition, exercise (under your doctors direction), sleep, time for self and supports is key. This can be as simple as taking a shower or opening the blinds to let the sunshine in can really help jump start the day.
LET IT GO - WITHOUT GUILT
Letting go of everything: Ideas about time, ideas about achievement, ideas about perfection, ideas about motherhood. Babies don't notice dishes in the sink or that pile of laundry in the corner. All that they crave for now is love, routine, stability and consistency. When you're focused on caring for yourself in a way that leaves you present for your baby, not only do you fill those needs for him, but you give yourself the gift of being able to find joy and beauty in small moments during uncertain times.
THERE'S A SILVER LINING
Babies elicit calm. When you and your baby connect chest to chest, not only do both heart rates lower, but they seem to synchronize. There's nothing more calming than feeling the warmth of your snuggled baby and taking in the sweet smell they seem to omit. A sense of calm washes over me just thinking of it! Just the sight of your baby cues your brain to release the happy hormone, dopamine and it plays a role in how you and your baby bond. Literally the chemicals in your brain cause you to view your baby as a bundle of joy. And when you experience that rush of happy emotions, you're primed to provide your child with everything they need to feel safe, comfortable and happy. Bonding is also linked to the love or cuddle hormone, oxytocin. That warm, melty glow of euphoria that starts in your heart and rushes through your body leaving you giddy yet deeply at peace and at the same time on the verge of tears. That's the silver lining in all of this. This little being which is totally dependent on you has the power to keep you present and focused so that you can get them through this time as unscathed as humanly possible.
So yes, these are uncertain times with lots of reasons to be stressed and consumed with what might happen tomorrow. But for today, take in the simple joys.